Monday, 6 July 2009

Its been a while!

Well what the fuck happened to the Blog! i hear you cry!.....all erm two of you! Big up to my main men Ricky B and The Web Master!

Well i have been on a summer sabbatical to Facebook, which i have to say i am now getting more and more frustrated with. In fact I'm getting more and more frustrated with modern technology as a whole, i literally have the world at my finger tips and unlimited source of information, up to date news and facebook! Does this make my life easier? Well yeah it does but not in a good way.

As an example i have had many conversations in the pub and questions have arose like, What was Iraq called before it was called Iraq? and is Vera Lynn a member of the BNP? Now ordinarily we would have conversation, debate and each person would put forward there case as to why they think there answer is the right one, thus encouraging people to communicate and debate each others views. But no, out came the I-phone and quick as a flash Iraq used to be called Babylon (Mesopotamia) and Vera Lynn was definitely not a member of the BNP, in fact it was reported that she was suing the BNP for using one of her songs on a BNP campaign CD (it has to have been White Cliffs of Dover, surely).

It really annoys me that the person who obtained the information then acted like he was the intelligent one! 'yeah well done for entering the word Vera Lynn and BNP in to Google, you must have at least a 2.1 degree in something important like Drama or performing arts from somewhere intellectual like Huddersfield) TOSSER!

Anyway i have also found that i need to know information about my friends on Facebook at regular intervals and have become fascinated by some of the shit that people put on their sites! For example right now some one is "?? has spent the last 30 mins trying to get through to paypal but they have a voice recognition menu and where hollie is runnin around the front room shouting it cant understand me!!!!! RAAAAHHHHHHHHH! lol!

...............................................Erm.............................right.............................................No that's it, i have no fucking idea why you have decided to share that! Is it relevant to anything in life at all? No!

Its then that some one comments "are you ok hun?" That's when i decide that enough is enough and i write the following:

"To my dearest ?? i thank you for sharing your information with me and feel that i have learnt so much more about you from your riveting updates about how your day has been and the trials and tribulations you go through. I wish you all the success in the world with getting through to Pay Pal and hope you can update me soon with news! Yours sincerely on the edge of my seat! J Bloggy"

The thing is i cant stop! its like this technology has made me curious about a whole lot of shit that i would never really care about and would not want to find out in a million years.

Oh well again i struggle tio finish this blog as it seems i have gone off on something that im not sure is relevant to how i started this rant!

Anyway Technology sucks! Down with Facebook (although just wait until i have put a link to this blog on my facebook page................)

Much love


Thursday, 19 March 2009

A cat is more intelligent than my flat mate!

About a month ago my 2 flatmates and i took the plunge and decided that we would not accept the renewal offer from our landlord and instead opted to find alternative accomodation. We managed to find a really nice house with 5 bedrooms and a garden which in all honesty was just to big but for the same price was considered very seriously!

One of the plus points was that we could have an animal, and it was deceided that a cat would be the most approapriate species due to its independance, so me and Calvin decided that a cat would be the prefered choice only to be denied by Chris.

Chris' excuse was that he just didnt like cats and was adamant that he didnt want a cat.

In my conclussion i believe that Chris didnt want a cat because he knows that a cat is more intelligent than him!

Wednesday, 11 March 2009

When i was younger i saved the chocolate drops from a bun until last!

I have come to the conclussion that my life is going to be split in to 3 sections.

1) Childhood
2) Career(hood)
3) Retirement(hood)

Its a pretty basic way to look at life but its easy to understand.

Section 1 starts with being born we have fun until were 16- 21 (or more if your lucky)

Section 2 starts with the first job

Section 3 starts with the END (or retirement as i like to call it)

Imagine a freshley baked bun with chocolate drops in it, when i was younger i would unwrap the bun (section 1)

Break up the bun and eat all the cake (section 2)

Then finally devour the chocolate drops in a frenzy reminisent of feeding time at the zoo. (section 3)

So hopefully my life will be like a Bun with chocolate drops in it........................................

Might come back to that one.

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

Why would anyone organise their own Birthday Party??

Well it sounded like a good idea, organise a party to celebrate the milestone in life that is 25years old (1/4 century for the purists). What i didnt realise at the time of agreeing to this debacle (thats what it feels like) is that how concerned i would be in regards to how many people will actually show up and will i look like a plum with no mates!!

Hang on a minute who cares how many people turn up to this party i mean i dont care there is going to be good music, drinking and maybe depending on how i feel a bowl of cheesey wotsits!.................Shit actually i do care, i know its self obsesive but come on you have to understand that hosting your own Birthday party is the ultimate test in popularity! its an event that people are going to turn up to based on the sole decision of wether they like you or not!. I suppose i could always invite family as a last resort, they have got to be guaranteed? Mum would be a shoe in, surely!!!

So many sleepless nights will now follow as i contemplate what im sure will be a fantastic evening with lots of friends enjoying each others company and dancing away into the evening.

Now where did i put mums phone number? :-\

Friday, 6 February 2009

Tuesday, 27 January 2009

What i love and hate about this credit crunch!!

Now obviously im not a massive fan of job insecurity and coming to the realisation that i haven't got a hope in hell of getting a mortgage anytime soon, but there are alternative views to this Credit crunch (i hate the word credit crunch, it sound rediculous so im going to call it "Fucking Americans Greed" or FAG crunch).

Plus Points to FAG crunch
- This Blog (i now have alot more time at work to spend starting and contributing to this blog)
- The internet has become much more than just a tool for finding places on Google maps or checking the maximum capacity of the biggest room at venue X,Y,Z.

Searching (sorry surfing) the internet has never really appealed to me, firstly because i never really know what to look for and secondly because i always seem to end up looking at tits even if i dont really want to after ten minutes on the internet there they are big old boobies bouncing around................ Any way i digress. The point is that the internet is now a bigger appeal to me, take this for example

Now i was amazed!! what a fantastic story, not only was a goat being held in prison for armed robbery but i quote:

"Police in Nigeria are holding a goat handed to them by a vigilante group, which said it was a car thief who had used witchcraft to change shape."

It was an armed robber that can drive a car!!! i really hope the goat in the picture is the goat in question because i have a fantastic image of the goat wielding an Mac 10 screeching off in a getaway car!

So i wondered what other random/ rediculous stories i could find about are goat friends?.......

It didnt take long.

"The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders."

How the hell did he surprise the man?? i would like to think that the man was treating the goat to a candle lit meal and Mr Alifi just stormed in!! Actually thinking about it if i was in Mr Alifi's shoes i dont think i would really want to surprise the happy couple, saying that "he surpised the man with the goat" implies that he would have known what was going on and waited for his prime moment to pounce and catch them in the throws of passion, im not sure i could stomach that but fair do's to Mr Alifi he got his $50

You will be sad to find out that it all eneded in tradgedy

Still i hope he gets to eat her in peace!!!!!!!!

To be continued..................................

Friday, 23 January 2009

Enough of this tripe! let the blogging begin

So here we go.......

I created this blog after visiting a friends blog and thought why not! i have lots of things to say about stuff in general and what better place to air all my dirty laundry.

I suppose there are rules on what i can post so will attempt to keep everything as clean as possible, although i will often divulge much scandal should it cross my path!

I am 24 years old and work in the conference industry, now it may sound really boring but i do enjoy my job, i think it has something to do with the cross section of society that i get to liase with day in day out.

I have a couple of loves in my life the first being football (im not going to divulge who it is because people will judge me for it) the second being comedy. Im not exactly the most happy of people but i just seem to 'get' comedy, im not a massive fan of american sitcoms (ooohhhh joey...... applause, wooping and whistling) as i find it mind numbingly boring and FUCKING OBVIOUS (thats for you Chris). What i really love is comedy that happens all around us every day yet is missed by so many as its not on a stage or on the tv with canned laughter.

This is why i have created this blog so i can record these simple musings that go on all around (please feel free to add your own) Also i am a very angry person so i will use this page as my punch bag for all the things that have pissed me off.

Anyway enjoy....let the good times roll